I Can Breathe Again, Kinda

I'm back in good ole TC. The house is such an improvement over the country house as far as mold goes. Good A/C and high ceilings. We both slept good last night. But, upon arrival yesterday, the chemical plants were letting some chemical out into the air and it smelled bad. I put my shirt up over my nose as I was unloading the truck. I should probably move out of this city.

Our renter came by last night to let us know he was out of the house now. We enjoyed visiting with him for about an hour. Then we went to check out the house. We were very impressed with the house condition, luckily, since we gave him his deposit back without looking at the house first. (He is a family friend). The neighbors are interested in their relatives renting it. But they told my renter that they would come pick up some furniture they wanted over a week ago, and they haven't picked it up yet. Now it's on the front porch waiting for them to come pick it up. I think that shows bad character and now I am reluctant to rent to their relatives.

I plan to finish rummaging through the upstairs bedroom today so that Barry can start painting that room. Then on to the next room. Then on to searching for a job. I want to be settled into a bedroom before I begin work. I don't want to be searching for my clothes in three different rooms and sleeping in different rooms as well while working.

One more cup of coffee and I'm off and running...

Black Panther of Death

All that talk of death yesterday culminated in my dreams last night. As I was walking among wild animals, such as black bears with brown noses, a black panther leaped at me and began sniffing my neck. Then the panther bit my neck, and I began to die.

There is a benefit today for a lead guitar player of a local blues band. It is located at the Good Times Marina in Houston. It is about an hour away from here. Good bands are going to be there. I think I want to go. But then again, I think I don't.

It's raining.

I'm washing all the sheets and pillow cases right now. They smell like mold. Mold is growing on everything. That may have something to do with my mood. My moldy mood is conducive to the blues. I should go to the benefit. Boogie Woogie piano playing makes me smile. "Queen of the 88s" is a good boogie woogie song.

The dryer is calling...

Just Yesterday

Just yesterday I was pregnant. Two summers in a row. Now, twenty-four years later, I sit alone. I wonder sometimes if I would feel more alone if my spouse died. I am now the next in line to die. We all have to do it. I'm next. Found a poem written by Mom in the 80's, "Entering age is like leaving a party and coming home to an empty abode." That could be a good thing, but I read it as a sad thing. Just yesterday, Ma-Moo won a singer sewing machine at Almeda Mall. Now she is dead. Just yesterday Mom enjoyed a song. Now she is dead. Today I'm blogging, tomorrow I'm gone? My oh my, why do we have to die? What will my legacy be? Fishsticks? Why is a legacy important? Will my decendents care a thing about me when I'm gone? Will my great great grandchildren wonder about me and what kind of a life I led? What will they find in their search? My blogs. Hello little ones. I wish I was with you now, enjoying being alive, full of wisdom. It's true, an idle mind is the devil's playground. I'm up at the place in the country with an idle mind, and see what I'm thinking about... Without some lesson to prepare for, my mind is straying to the side of doom and gloom. Earlier I read two essays I wrote regarding Middle Eastern History. I was impressed with myself. I plan on re-reading the many papers and notes that I wrote over the past four years in an attempt to remember what I learned. I am thankful that I went to college and earned a degree. I wish I would have earned a money making degree instead of a humanities degree. Only because now I have to re-enter the working world as an educated 'Clerk.' Well, I hear the spouse in the kitchen. I'll close now.

Rain Rain and Yesterday

It's been raining for two days. A pond is now under the house. Rue is in the house. She trys to jump on me everytime it thunders. I threw her off of me and she landed half-way on the other chair. She is big, too. My arm is sore. I showed her some safe places to hide, like under the bed and under the stairs, but she is currently lying beside me. The weather has calmed down a bit. She slept with me last night and shook the whole bed with her nerves. I tried calming her like I would a baby, rocking and rhythmic humming, but I began to feel silly. I led her to under the bed and she gladly went. I was then able to go to sleep. She is my dog....

Yesterday I started working in the upstairs bedroom. I found a bag of old baby clothes from when my oldest brother was a baby. I recognize the clothes from the pictures I've been looking at. It was a sweet experience touching and folding them. I imagined Mother folding them when they were new. And her excitement over her mother having made some of them. I also began taking Mom's clothes out of the closet and folding them in preparation to give them away. I found kleenex and hard candies in the pockets of her blazers. Of course I got sad again. A bitter-sweet sadness. I also found some old dresses of Ma-Moo's (my grandmother). I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them. I also saved Mom's poke-a-dot dresses, since that is the essence of her. I found some pictures of Dad that I don't remember seeing before. This cleaning out the house is a most precious job. I'm glad to have this opportunity. Last night Ronnie refused to take the latest box I collected for him. He said, "Not anh, I'm workin!" (delivering pizza). I told him I'd bring it to him later. All he had to do was put it in his frickin car. Good Grief. He goes into depression when he reads old letters.

Tuesday Barry, Taunie, and I went to UHCL to hear a presentation on the Battle of the Bay, The Civil War in Galveston. It was very interesting and comical. A comedy of errors led to a confederate victory. Barry and I then went to the Top Water Grill in San Leon for a shrimp dinner. The shrimp was delicious, but the water tasted like chlorine and the cole slaw tasted sour. Barry didn't notice.

O Happy Day

Nathan received a refund from the Judge as well as managed to get the ticket dismissed. We went to the mall today and bought Nathan a new pair of workboots. Marilyn ate my dogs' heartworm medicine. I called the vet, and she will be fine, but we're out of $20 worth of medicine. Then later she found a roach bait thingy and began chewing on it. She keeps me hopping, but I just love her to death. She is so cute. I will miss her when they leave tonight. Nathan is currently taking a nap upstairs. Barry is scrapping and painting the front door. He is in a bad mood for some reason. Thank goodness for dogs. Jacob is discovering that not all girls hate boys. The spaghetti is done.....

My Grand-dog, Marilyn

Since none of mine nor Barry's children seem to be interested in having children, my son's new pit-bull puppy is my substitute grandchild. Nathan is working nearby in LaGrange, Tx, so he comes to visit on the weekends, leaves the grand-dog with me, and heads to houston to party with friends. Her name is Marilyn because she is so beautiful. Solid white with blue eyes. She is currently under my chair chewing on a chew-thing I bought for her. She is ripping it to shreads. (Marilyn-Manson!) It's not like Nathan can't find enough trouble without owning a vicious dog. But she is so cute! I love her even though she bites me. Now she is laying on my bed barking at me and wagging her tail. Now Sammy has begun barking, too. I feel like a young mother with a new toddler, that bites. She almost caused Nathan to get shot by a highway patrolman today. yup, Nathan got pulled over and searched. Marilyn jumped out of the truck when the officer opened the door. He instinctively turned his back on Nathan to catch Marilyn. He then realized his error and put his hand on his gun as he turned around to face Nathan. Nathan immediately put his hands in the air and yelled, "I'm not going to do nothin!!!!!" She is now sleeping on my bed. awwwwwwwww. She looks to sweet and cute! Just like demon children look with they sleep.
Duncan left today. His mama cut short the democratic convention in houston. He was sad to leave, but I could tell he was happy to learn that she was coming today. The poor boy has symptons of OC disorder. I mentioned that to his mother almost a year ago. She immediately felt guilty for not noticing. This time I told his dad and he was very aware of the problem. He said the mom is in denial. I hope they get help for him. He won't be able to function much longer in society if he doesn't get the symptons under control. I became obsessive watching him. When I read up on the problem, I saw symptoms in myself and my husband. He collects stupid things like ice-cream buckets (too many of them), and I have recently enjoyed scratching my scalp of scabs. Poor kid doesn't have a chance.
I'm enjoying my new house. I am preparing for the arrival of seven guests tomorrow. Barry's nephew and niece plus their families, plus Nathan and Barry and me, makes 10 people in this house. My brother said the commode with stop up. I bought a badmitton set tonight in hopes of the children playing outside. Florence is planning on making a home-made lasagna tomorrow for supper.
Well, I guess I've blogged enough for now...

Camp Riff-Raff

Duncan is visiting this week. So far we saw a rat at the pond and a skunk in a neighbors yard. A thunderstorm scared Rue so bad that she got out of the backyard. She was missing for two days. We went to the pound to see if she got arrested (she and Nathan, wad I gonna do?), but she was not there; and they had not picked up any dead dogs since she became missing. We looked all over town for her. This morning Andrew, our 6 year-old neighbor consistantly banged on the front door as he was frantically yelling, "We found Roof, we found Roof, she's in your backyard!" So I joyously ran to the back yard with the neighborhood kids and was happily reunited with Rue. I got the urge to take a picture of all of the neighborhood kids' barefeet. Last saturday Barry, Jacob, Duncan, and I rode the Galveston Ferry. It was the perfect time of day. The sunset was beautiful, Dolphins were surfacing, a big black ocean-going barge got so close the ferry driver had to divert from his path, and Jacob and Duncan got satisfactually wet from the big waves. I just spilled cold water all over my lap and table top. Good Grief. We have been without A/C for two days. It has been very hot. Earlier as I read through old letters and looked at old pictures, some as old as the 1800's, while listening to talk radio, it dawned on me that I was living out my life as if I was back in the day. The A/C should be back tomorrow. I am so happy Rue is back. Barry has been scraping and painting the windows. The house is starting to look good. We bought it last Friday, June 11, 2004. Our renters are moving out this month. We are considering selling that house and putting the profit into this house. Thank goodness for little a/c's in the bedrooms. Good Night...

New A/C and Nails in the Washer Machine

Yesterday Barry and I installed our new a/c in the downstairs bedroom/study. It looks so cute, all white and shiney. It is an accomplishment well-welcomed after dealing with Jack Seymour and his appliance service. The big a/c in the kitchen has been stuggling for at least a year and it has recently begun tripping the breaker. So I called Jack and he came and picked it up, cleaned it, and it is still doing it. While he had the a/c, Barry replaced the rotten boards under it. When Jack returned with the a/c, the caulk and paint were not dry, so he left the a/c on the backporch. I asked him to return to install it tomorrow b/c of Barry's health condition,and he made a snide remark about having 3 heart attacks and a couple of by-passes and he keeps going, insinuating that Barry should install it, then he insisted that I call if I want it installed. Well, I called that evening. He responded with "I don't know if I can make it out there tomorrow or not." Then he showed up at 8:00 a.m. (interupting my coffee time in my pjs). While he was here I had him look at the washer b/c it started smoking and stinking the other day. All he did was remove the clothes and found nails that Barry left in his pocket. The nails had lodged in the holes of the tub and rubbed the belt. $63.33. He is as bad as the carpenter who wanted $300 to fix the rotten boards under the a/c. Barry tackled that job himself with no problem, but the carpenter charged us $80 for two pieces of lumber and two cuts. And the cuts were incorrect and one of the pieces of wood was cracked! I am so disgusted with both him and Jack. Barry and I learned to always ask the costs b/f assuming it won't be much.

Rick and his family are coming in tonight. They will be hauling off their portion of the estate furniture. We will all attend the Griffin Reunion on Saturday. I have a feeling no one really wants to go to these things. Rebekah, have you EVER been to one? Last year was special b/c I picked Mother up at MD Anderson and took her straight there. She received a standing ovation which put a big, much needed, smile on her face. She was the star. I miss her!

Sleepless in TC

Well, here it is 12:53 a.m. sunday morning. I've been tossing and turning and thinking since 10:00 p.m. saturday night. I can't stand it when my brain won't stop thinking. So, I turn to blogger.com. Now what? I am experiencing some depression. Some doom and gloom feelings. Isolation. Uselessness. umm.. I'll double up on my herbs tomorrow, oops, today. I am looking at a poster of Clark Gable. He is sitting at a gambling table with a cigar in his mouth, and cards in his one hand and chips under the other. My mom's poster. She loved Clark Gable. She used to skip school and go to the movies and watch him on the big screen. She had a sad life. I wish I could have been her childhood friend. I like the idea of time-travel. I'd like to visit my ancestors as young people and experience the lives of those from whom I come. I feel as though I am going through a transition from young person to old person. Therefore the doom and gloom feeling, maybe. Walking on the beach yesterday was interesting. I noticed that there were more ugly people than pretty. More fat than skinny. I began to think I could get by with wearing a two-piece, then thought again. I don't necessarily like this new role of "aging person." Death is on my mind more than it has ever been. Widowhood, nursing homes, bathroom problems. Not a very bright future. Ma-moo was a widow at 55 years of age and never remarried. I may never remarry. What a sad thought that my best years are over. Jeez, I'm depressed. I might as well just go ahead and die now. Naah, I'm going to join the Lowery Center on Monday and start working out. I'm going to start feeling better physically and then I'll automatically start feeling better emotionally. yup.

Popsicle Sticks in the Rain/Sandcastles in the Sun

Barry and I just got through watching the Belmont horse races. We were so inspired, we ran out in the rain and raced our popsicle sticks. Blanco won by a longshot, orange came in a close second, and a newcomer, Spilt, came in third. Then Barry had to pee real bad, so we ran across the neighbors big yard acting like their children act when they run across our yard. It was a welcomed break from reality.

Earlier we went to Galveston and watched as many people were busy building elaborate sandcastles for a prize. There were many excellect entries, such as Homer Simpson, "Lord of the Rings," (donuts); Martha Stewart, "Extreme Makeover," (half of her face was normal and the other half beatup and smoking a cigarette); San Antonio missions,and Clifford the Big Red Dog. There were a lot of dogs out there, too. Real ones of all shapes and sizes. I got overheated and had to go to the pavillion for some shade and a hotdog. There we got to watch people attempt to ride a mechanical bull. A drunk fat woman tried her luck and began screaming before it started. I got a good laugh out of that. She reminded me of Alice Jean. She finally fell off with a thump (after it started).

We met up with Ronnie and Judy and the kids. Judy's brother was involved with Clifford's sandcastle. They looked hot. Judy found the free beer, so they both had one. Judy began dancing and acting silly. I told them she had one too many. They are still there. I hope they make it home o.k.

More later.

Pink Flamigo

One last post for May. TC has a tourist attraction on the dike. Named Pinkie, this pink flamigo arrived around May 15 from the Yucatan. Hundreds of people from all over the US are coming to view it. An area on the north side of the dike is taped off and binoculars are set up for viewing and a book is layed out for visitors to sign. Nathan and Kat waded out on the island and took some pictures of it. It is SO cute. Nothing bothers it. It remains in this same spot regardless of the fishermen and pelicans. Barry and I have made three trips to see it so far.

We had a BBQ yesterday. My friend Taunie came. We took her out to see the pink flamigo. She enjoyed visiting with others viewing the bird. The children enjoyed looking through the binoculars.

Our renters, Charles and Dana, are moving out in 30 days. They say the neighborhood is "uncomfortable." A cop on one side and a gang on the other... I don't blame them. We need to make a decision as to whether or not to sell it or rent it again.

Later....

Bon Fire

Last night, on the end of the T.C. dike, the VFW put on a spectacular bon fire. Barry and I enjoyed being a part of it. We each burned a flag in memory of my dad and his uncle who were both in WWII. There were over one thousand flags burned. After they were all ceremonially put into the fire, two huge flags were draped around the base of the 20 foot high pile of pallets and set afire. The heat from the fire caused the crowd to back up many times. It lit up the night sky as if it were day. A wall of sandbags held six military flags, one of which was the POW MIA flag that flew over the fire pit where the flags were burned. Ronnie, Judy, and the kids joined us. We all sat on a log together until the heat forced us to back up. I stood behind Barry and Tiffany stood behind me to escape the heat. The crowd consisted of mixed ages and races. Lots of children running wild, and old people stumpling around the uneven ground. Music was remenicent of war. "I gave my purple heart to a prostitute," right along side, "By and By Lord." Wind continuously wiped our hair into our faces so that we left after the 20 foot pile of pallets was reduced to approximately 10 to 15 feet.

Nathan and Kat came home later on and rode out there to see it, and over an hour later the fire was still burning brightly.

Nathan Arrested AGAIN

Well, here it is Memorial weekend. I was just commenting, with a smile, to Barry how yesterday and today were perfect days; and just as I finished saying that, I immediately imagined Tiff and Josh drowning in a rip tide in Galveston. Not that that would top off my day, but it's like as soon as I acknowledge something as being good, something bad has to happen. I was happy to learn that Ronnie and the kids made it back safe from Galveston and that they were all coming over to cook baked beans at our house. Later, we were all enjoying eating together, listening to the blues, laughing about this and that when the phone rang. It was Kat. Nathan was arrested. He and Bobby went mudding and got pulled over on their way home for no inspection sticker. Of course Nathan had a warrant out for his arrest for non-payment of an old ticket that he forgot all about. I was looking forward to him being at the Bar-B-Que tomorrow. I asked if anyone had $300 cash to get him out. No. An hour goes by. I'm down; the phone rings again. It's him. Mother/Son conversation: How could you let this happen AGAIN! I don't remember getting that ticket! I'm sorry. I'm sad. Will you call Bobby and ask him to bail me out, and tell him I'll pay him back next friday? O.K.

Dimming Lights, Fat Attorney, Burned House, Funny Old Woman

Yesterday I called an electrician, Master Electric, to check on our electrical system. He rewired the breaker box which stopped the dimming, but he pointed out that the breaker to the new washer/dryer was not a breaker at all, it was only a switch. He suggested we call them and demand that they replace it immediately without charge. We did, and they did. Within an hour after the call was made, the problem was fixed. It was sparking each time the dryer was turned on. Barry and I got nervous about a possible fire. Not only would we lose the house, but we might even lose our lives. We feel better now, although the house is still not insured. We are waiting to hear from Ricky before we can get things moving.
Barry and I went to visit a realestate lawyer on 6th and 6th in Texas City. His office smelled like mold and was furnished with old furniture. There was a hole in the wall where one of the attorneys lost his temper and kicked it. He was a big guy by the name of Placamire (sp?). I liked his demeanor. I hope Rick consents to using him to create the needed forms and deeds so that Ronnie can finally own his home and Barry and I can the process moving so that we can own this house.
A neighbors house on 11th avenue caught on fire last week and went up in flames fast. A toaster was the culpret. It was sad seeing an old historic house destroyed.
I've been noticing an old woman routinely walking around the block lately. I had a suspicion that it was Ida Morton Ross, the insurance lady whose husband used to be partners with my Aunt Pearl McGar. So, last night as she walked by, I ran out to greet her. I was right. It is Ida Morton Ross, also the grandmother to two of my childhood girlfriends, Meade and Carol Ann Rinker. It was in their house where I first ate a honey bun. I had never eaten anything so wonderful. It was also at their house where I first witnessed a hot sandwich being made in a contraption that smashed it and cut off the crust and heated it over the stove. Anyway, Ida Ross is a delightful woman. She made us laugh a few times with her limricks and stories of the past and present. We said our goodbyes and watched her walk on down the street assisted by two walking canes, "If you don't use it, you lose it." She told me my friend Meade is living in San Antonio working as a property manager along with her husband, and Carol Ann lives in South Houston working at an animal boarding business. Sadly, her 19 year old daughter just committed suicide.
I have a finance final at 1:00, so I better go study.....

Evita

The new Argentina, the voice of the people...to a strip tease beat... pretty good. I can see why Madonna wanted to do the part. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm currently listening to the music of Evita. Along with Evita, I'm listening to Phantom of the Opera, and Jesus Christ Superstar. I think I'm beginning to feel pumped. Maybe it's the coffee, but singing at the top of my lungs out the back door, words of wisdom, is pumping. The neighbors are getting an education. My friend gave me three CD's featuring Andrew Lloyd Weber's work. Barry is miserable.

Last night we watched two independent film makers' films. They were both very good. One made me re-think what the purpose of life is, is life an end in itself or a means to an end? I wonder sometimes if it is an end in itself. The other one was depressing. It was about "The Weather Men," underground radical progressives in the late 60's and 70's who set off bombs in reponse to U.S. actions such as war in Vietnam and the killing of Black Panther members. It was over at midnight and I couldn't go to sleep right away. I felt doom and gloom, and I still do. Maybe it's because I just turned off the music and I'm now listening to the BBC news. Gloomy.... hundreds of machette welding teenagers in southern Thailand gunned down by the government. I'm going to listen to this.

FriedaBiscus

The Hybiscus is blooming beautiful bright orange flowers today. It brings me such joy to look out the window and see them and also to drive into the driveway and see them from the street. I will always think of Mother when I look at that bush for three reasons. One, when she was temporarily in Gulf Care Nursing Home one year ago, we were visiting outside near a hybiscus, and we couldn't remember the name of the bush. We finally remembered and proceeded to come up with a way to always remember...We pretended to be greeting the bush by saying, "HI Biscus!" Two, we were waiting outside of the radiation therapy room at MD Anderson when a volunteer offered Mom a free bag to hold her "stuff" in. Mom carefully examined all of the bags and picked the brightest orange one because of its durability. Three, she loved beauty and color. I miss her so much. The bush was given to the family at the time of her death by my friends at NOVA Chemical. I named it FriedaBiscus.

The Place Where They Grow Wine

Tonight Ronnie's family and Barry and I went to the "winery" in Santa Fe. I taste tested four wines and bought one $4.00 glass of white sweet wine. Everyone sipped a bit and made faces. We listened to a speaker from Johnson Space Center, then we took the tour. Afterwards, we joined the Star Party and looked at Jupiter, Saturn, and the Orion Nebula before they were covered by clouds. Tiffany, Josh and I walked through the vineyard and Tiff pointed out the little bitty grapes to me. I couldn't find them on my own . . . . . . just kill me now.

Phi Kappa Phi

Friday night, after first arriving at the wrong country club, then through panic stickened turns of right and left accompanied by explitives sounding out why would an honor student leave the address and directions at home, we found the correct country club where Barry and I attended the induction ceremony of the Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society. We dined amoung many well-educated and interesting people. I felt like a fish out of water with chipped teeth and straight bodyless hair. A delicious meal of chicken, lasagna, fresh vegtables, rolls, salad, carrot cake and coffee was served buffet style. In trying to keep the conversation flowing, I asked the people at our table if they had ever visited the place in Santa Fe where they grow wine. Some honor student, huh? An inspiring speech was given by Shelly (used to be Rodriquez (her deceased husband was a news personality), but I've forgotten her new last name, and I absent-mindedly left my program there upon leaving). I was presented with a large white envelope upon having my name read aloud, walking a mile to the president, and shaking his hand. There were many others being honored as well. We all felt very honored, go figure. In the envelope was my certificate and my honor cord to be worn over my graduation gown. On the drive home, Barry and I enjoyed discussing Shelly's speech and marveled at her speaking abilities and all the things she is accomplishing as a newly elected Houston City Council member as well as a medical doctor. Needless to say, I didn't feel like I belonged. I don't belong anywhere.

Henry Elmore Peters, My Grandpa

Barry and I went to the memorial service on April 16 in memory of the Texas City Explosion that happened fifty-seven years ago in 1947. Over 600 people died that day including the entire fire department. As a memorial to the firefighters, Chief Gerald Grimm of the Texas City Fire Department read each of their names followed by the ringing of a bell. The speaker was Mrs. Ernestine Moreno, a survivor. After listening to her sad story, I wondered if she had known my grandfather whom I never had the privledge of meeting. He used to preach at the Spanish Mission near her home. So when the ceremony was over, I asked her if she knew him. She immediately smiled and began telling me how much she adored him. He taught her spanish in high school. She said he spoke beautiful spanish. He asked her why she was not taking notes and she told him because he was blocking the words with his body. So he started writing with his other hand so she could see the board. When she finished talking about him, she gave me a big unexpected hug and reiterated how much my grandpa meant to her. I wanted to grab all the other old people there and ask them all if they remembered Grandpa Peters. When I got home, I looked at myself in the upstairs mirror and noticed I was wearing Mom's shirt. I wanted to tell her all about my experience at the memorial service, and how I found yet another person who loved her father. I began to weep at the realization of my loss.

Personality Fault

Poor self esteem. I do not feel comfortable "selling" myself to potential employers. I have very negative feelings towards this game. Whoever sells the best, wins the prize. In my unhealthy thought processes, it will most likely not be the best canidate who wins. I believe the best candidate is sometimes the worst "seller" of himself and vice versa. I now understand why my father, with an above average IQ, was a truck driver. I suppose whatever was wrong with him was instilled in me, not that I am of above IQ, but truck driving sounds appealing to me. Big Sigh.......