After some analyzing, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not over reacting when I go into depression or a bad mood when my authenticity as a wife is demeaned. For instance, the financial office representative calls me on my cell phone to let me know that because I’m not 100 % beneficiary, my signature is required on the form that transfers the money from one investment to another.
It’s not the fact that I’m not 100% beneficiary that bothers me. I don’t blame him for wanting to leave his money to his children. I’d do the same. It’s the fact that I am number two. Yup, in other words, poopoo. If I were number one, I’d be 100% beneficiary and the children would inherit the money after my death. Does this mean that I am not trusted as number two? Maybe. The point is, this is not even a consideration if you’re the first wife, so why is it if you’re the second?
State Laws and Financial representatives show more interest in my financial well-being than my husband shows. This is not to say that his interest in my financial well-being is lacking. On the contrary, he has provided well for me. But it’s true none-the-less.
Something else that gets my goat as a second wife is dealing with the Time Share people. After being on hold for literally 30 minutes, I am told they cannot talk to me because my name is not on the deed. Talk about irate. Robots without hearts are what they are. I couldn’t care less if a bomb dropped on them. So what if I stand to inherit the damn Time Share, I’m not allowed to talk to the stupid asses on the phone. Never mind inheriting it, I’m his wife and he has given phone consent for me to make arrangements, but still, this is not enough. I don’t even want the damn thing. I’m kind of glad I can’t talk to them. He has to do all the dealings with them, and he doesn’t seem to mind, perhaps because it keeps the time share SAFE from the second wife?
And finally, my husband says I think having both of our names put on important things is the answer to everything. He said this statement after I said if both of our names were on a safe deposit box it would not be sealed upon either of our deaths. Well, having our names together on paper certainly isn’t the answer to everything. And his comment is just one more thing about being a second wife that sent me into depression. He obviously holds a bitterness regarding past mergers.
My name must stand alone, as I.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
April Ribbons
A large black ribbon, drapped in front of the Catholic church front door, evoked from me a sense of awe, a profound and humble reverence.
A tiny red ribbon, shaped into a tiny bow to wear on my lapel during Scott's memorial, provided for me a kind of catharsis by giving my sadness expression.
A large white and gold ribbon, drapped in front of the Catholic church front door, conjured up in me a deep-seated happiness, life goes on.
A tiny red ribbon, shaped into a tiny bow to wear on my lapel during Scott's memorial, provided for me a kind of catharsis by giving my sadness expression.
A large white and gold ribbon, drapped in front of the Catholic church front door, conjured up in me a deep-seated happiness, life goes on.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
A Couple of Beers/Random Thoughts
Rick said he thought about setting Jacob up with the DSL chick that set up his computer, but he didn't.
One day you're 16, brown, bikini clad, cute as hell, and the next day your 47, white as paper, elastic clad, almost ugly as hell.
WWII. If Dad didn't make it out alive, I wouldn't be here. How many are not here today because of that war?
Led Zepplin reminds me of mean Irene. I don't know how to spell Led Zepplin.
I used to have a Led Zepplin thing hanging from my ceiling when I was pretty.
Nothing hangs from my ceiling now but dust. I still like Rock n Roll.
Beach Party Weekend sucks for the Galveston locals.
He runs. He hides. He manages.
I run. I hide. I manage.
Why worry about losing 20 lbs when tomorrow we die? Enjoy life today.
I miss Scott. I feel sorry for Nathan.
I want to go out tonight.
A high school marching band sucks in Silver City.
I wonder which son of mine was just at the country club at the Village. Nevermind, I just figured it out. J. His cell phone is behind the bar.
Do people do things during the day on purpose so that they can blog about it? J thinks so. I don't.
Time to cook.
One day you're 16, brown, bikini clad, cute as hell, and the next day your 47, white as paper, elastic clad, almost ugly as hell.
WWII. If Dad didn't make it out alive, I wouldn't be here. How many are not here today because of that war?
Led Zepplin reminds me of mean Irene. I don't know how to spell Led Zepplin.
I used to have a Led Zepplin thing hanging from my ceiling when I was pretty.
Nothing hangs from my ceiling now but dust. I still like Rock n Roll.
Beach Party Weekend sucks for the Galveston locals.
He runs. He hides. He manages.
I run. I hide. I manage.
Why worry about losing 20 lbs when tomorrow we die? Enjoy life today.
I miss Scott. I feel sorry for Nathan.
I want to go out tonight.
A high school marching band sucks in Silver City.
I wonder which son of mine was just at the country club at the Village. Nevermind, I just figured it out. J. His cell phone is behind the bar.
Do people do things during the day on purpose so that they can blog about it? J thinks so. I don't.
Time to cook.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Scott
Nathan's best friend in the whole world died tragically Wednesday, April 6, durning the early morning. He was hit by a car traveling on I45 South bound as he walked. We found out on Friday that the victim was Scott. He had been missing since Tuesday. The particulars are unknown. We all loved Scott. He called me Mom. He loved Nathan. Nathan is feeling a pain right now that we all hope never to feel.
Jacob came down in support of Nathan. Friday evening Nathan came over with Roxanne, Trey, and Jessica in tow. They all came in the back door. It was nice to see them all. We all hugged and sat in the living room to visit. The conversation quickly turned comical with reminising of past experiences. It was decided that we were all going to go play pool. We went to the pool hall that Scott and Nathan frequently visited. We all had a good time. I had to hide in the bathroom once when overcome with emotion, feeling the absence of Scott. Jacob showed off his fooseball playing abilities. We all went to the favorite bar after we left the pool hall and enjoyed a live band. Nathan soon was overwelmed with emotion. He left our table. I went to look for him after five minutes and found him outside in the thralls of extreme emotional pain. I sat down next to him and held him as he wept.
I heard from him last night. He called from a tatoo parlor. He and a bunch of friends as well as one of Scott's sisters were getting tatoos in memory of Scott. He sounded happy. The friends all got a little mushroom tatoo. Nathan and Scott had matching mushroom tatoos. Nathan got geckos with RIP/Scott's name and the dates. Scott loved geckos.
Thursday at lunch time Nathan called me before he knew of Scott's fate to let me know Scott was missing. I told him of a tragic accident on 59 where a man was killed while crossing it, and we hoped that wasn't Scott. Then when we heard about Scott, I assumed that was him, but it wasn't. It turns out two separate incidents of the same nature occurred on the same night on different highways. Friday Nathan called me at work after he and Scott's wife viewed the body and I couldn't understand a word he said, but I'll never forget the sound of pain in his voice.
Barry, Jacob, and I took a hamburger stew, cornbread, and german chocolate cake to Scott's parents house. We visited with them for an hour and a half. Barry and Scott's dad had a spirited conversation about work related things. I enjoyed visiting with Scott's mom, she is easy to talk with. We got to see a video of Nathan's little dog Marilyn meeting Scott's 100 lb pit bull. She growled at him and nipped at his nose. She was littlier than his face. It was so cute. All the smokers hung out in the garage where three couches and a chair surround a square table full of ash trays and misc. stuff. It was the beloved hang-out.
Scott will be sorely missed by all who knew him. Although he was over six foot tall, he was a gentle soul with a soft voice. His body was cremated on Friday and there will be a memorial next sunday.
Jacob came down in support of Nathan. Friday evening Nathan came over with Roxanne, Trey, and Jessica in tow. They all came in the back door. It was nice to see them all. We all hugged and sat in the living room to visit. The conversation quickly turned comical with reminising of past experiences. It was decided that we were all going to go play pool. We went to the pool hall that Scott and Nathan frequently visited. We all had a good time. I had to hide in the bathroom once when overcome with emotion, feeling the absence of Scott. Jacob showed off his fooseball playing abilities. We all went to the favorite bar after we left the pool hall and enjoyed a live band. Nathan soon was overwelmed with emotion. He left our table. I went to look for him after five minutes and found him outside in the thralls of extreme emotional pain. I sat down next to him and held him as he wept.
I heard from him last night. He called from a tatoo parlor. He and a bunch of friends as well as one of Scott's sisters were getting tatoos in memory of Scott. He sounded happy. The friends all got a little mushroom tatoo. Nathan and Scott had matching mushroom tatoos. Nathan got geckos with RIP/Scott's name and the dates. Scott loved geckos.
Thursday at lunch time Nathan called me before he knew of Scott's fate to let me know Scott was missing. I told him of a tragic accident on 59 where a man was killed while crossing it, and we hoped that wasn't Scott. Then when we heard about Scott, I assumed that was him, but it wasn't. It turns out two separate incidents of the same nature occurred on the same night on different highways. Friday Nathan called me at work after he and Scott's wife viewed the body and I couldn't understand a word he said, but I'll never forget the sound of pain in his voice.
Barry, Jacob, and I took a hamburger stew, cornbread, and german chocolate cake to Scott's parents house. We visited with them for an hour and a half. Barry and Scott's dad had a spirited conversation about work related things. I enjoyed visiting with Scott's mom, she is easy to talk with. We got to see a video of Nathan's little dog Marilyn meeting Scott's 100 lb pit bull. She growled at him and nipped at his nose. She was littlier than his face. It was so cute. All the smokers hung out in the garage where three couches and a chair surround a square table full of ash trays and misc. stuff. It was the beloved hang-out.
Scott will be sorely missed by all who knew him. Although he was over six foot tall, he was a gentle soul with a soft voice. His body was cremated on Friday and there will be a memorial next sunday.
